Excuse me, I have to go and put hamburger sauce on my muesli

Dear Sirs,

Re: your advert. for ideas on salad cream. I find it an ideal lubricant during sexual intercourse. May I have a teak salad bowl now?

Yours sincerely,

Mrs Elfreda Bonkers,
Baldock.

It's also ideal for faking an orgasm.

That is not a real egg.

salad cream with everything when i was a kid... not forgetting to remove the horrible dried hard bits from under the crew top lid first. Or - pouring it properly in the first place hence avoiding said horrid dried bits. (we never put it in the fridge - its a wonder how anybody survived)